Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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