From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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