you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
