I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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