I am puke
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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