you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
