your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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