now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
