; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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