Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
