you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize