i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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