Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
