I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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