Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
