Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
