Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize