No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
