on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
