I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
