Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
