ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
