my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
