I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
