he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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