True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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