sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
