i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
