Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
