walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
