Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
