either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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