some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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