now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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