I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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