An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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