Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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