what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
