..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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