i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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