Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
