remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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