Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
