my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize