Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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