God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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