Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
