mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
