We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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