my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
