Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
