Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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