come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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