I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
