your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize