dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
