Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She even gives head with a lisp.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
