I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
