Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
