My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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