That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
