Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
