remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize