Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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