you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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