apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
