Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize