I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
