(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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