uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Drake has all the answers
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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