just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
