The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
