this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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