captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize