I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
