Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
