So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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