I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
