Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
