Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
