I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
