walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
