i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
