If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
