Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
