I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
