Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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