so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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