Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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