I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
