I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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