I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
