Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
