I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
