the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
