So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
