she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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