that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
