Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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