I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
