4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
