I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
